Jasmine Hart

Hi bubbles. The opening lines really drew me in and the imagery is great. I'd change "sitting in a" to something softer, as it's a little clunky. The second stanza ...

Hi Blossom, This flows nicely and is uplifting. The images of the book, the dress and the glue were really great, very fresh and interesting. I'd reexamine the images of ...

Hi, This flows nicely and there's a good sense of rhythm. I'd cut the second "the", and put a full-stop after "lips" and a comma after "fold". I like "like ...

Hi, This was sweet.The tone works really well. I'd change "beam with smiles", because you're basically saying "smile with smiles" which is unnecessary. I'd cut the dash after "home" as ...

Hey, I love when there are poems! :) Wearing Red: I love the rhythm and your use of language. The repetition is hypnotic. The first stanza is great. I'd look ...

Hi Kamas, I enjoyed your imagery, for example "sleeping on park benches has made you soft skinned" and; "Your femur has cracked in three different places, and healed to a ...

Hi Jane, I really really loved the second haiku. "And Priscilla cried" is very direct and powerful. It could be a poem in its own right. I'd try to mirror ...

Hi, This flows nicely and the ending is very effective. I like how the last two lines are a stanza in their own right. I'd tone down the imagery in ...

Hi, I love the sibilance of "sweet summer air really adds to the mood of the piece. The internal rhyme of; "I suggested we grow up fast and not be ...

Hi, Your tone and imagery work well here. The first three lines and the last line are great. I think that lines four and five are too direct and inward-turning. ...

Hi, The imagery in the first stanza is beautiful, but I don't believe it. It feels too consciously poetic to me. Pare it back. Show me what's really there and ...

Lofty, you peer down at me, cocooned in a waxy orange skin, the only thing that’s keeping you together. Soon you will start rotting from the inside and turn brown ...

Hi, This flows nicely and you pay a lot of attention to word-sound, which is great, especially for this sort of piece. It makes it sound really melodic. I especially ...

Hi, This is really beautiful. I love your imagery, especially "A boundless parade". It flows easily and the dialogue is a great touch, it really brings this to life. The ...

Hi, This flows nicely and the imagery works well. I especially enjoyed the final sentence. I'd cut the commas after each line as you are using them to create a ...